Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
