party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
