I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
