i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
