I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
