if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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