Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
