He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize