The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
