i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
