he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
