Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
