so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
