she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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