He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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