Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
