Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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