i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
