I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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