Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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