i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we made out on top of his cat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
