If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
