I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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