just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
