I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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