You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
