a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found your dick twin last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
