Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
