do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
