Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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