where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
