Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
