the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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