honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dignity is for republicans.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
