yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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