in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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