I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bring me that man meat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
