i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
