Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm really into asian looking animals
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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