I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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