Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
