I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
