flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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