Don't you send me to vm
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
