You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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