I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
