You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
