WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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