He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
