And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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