what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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