Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think my mom watched the whole time
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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