You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
