how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
