Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
