dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
