I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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