My room smells like vodka and shame
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
