Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
