Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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