His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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