I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
