On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is Oprah even human
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
