thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
