I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
