You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
