You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Less talking, more tequila
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
