If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
