i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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