Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
