If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
