It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
