I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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