hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
