just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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