Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
