My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
