Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
