never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
