I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
