I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
