my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
